Dreams are Meant for Chasing
by LordByronMudkippington
Summary: When Kotori gets an opportunity to study fashion, it leaves her - and Honoka - with a hard choice.


"So you're sure about this?" Umi hadn't had a serious conversation with Honoka since they'd committed to being idols. She was used to her friend being a goofball, so this change to a more serious topic caught her off guard. It was understandable, though. This was a very important subject for both of them, since it involved Kotori.

"Ahaha, I... I'm not sure." The three of them had been inseparable since they were little, but now that bond was about to be tested. Kotori had confided in them, with excitement and trepidation, the news that she had been accepted to a very prestigious fashion school. It was going to split the three friends up for the first time, as she would be at a different school for their senior year.

"If anyone can change her mind, you can." They both expressed cautious excitement for her, though she admitted that she hadn't made a decision yet. That decision needed to be made by the end of the week, though. Probably even before then, since the rest of Muse deserved to know what was going on as well. However, there was one more secret that nobody else knew. Only Umi was privy to the truth: that Honoka was in love with Kotori.

"I don't know, Umi... It's her dream, after all." She had never been able to pinpoint the moment where she fell in love with Kotori. It may have just been that way for too long of a time, and she hadn't been able to understand her true feelings until recently. She hadn't confessed, though, because she'd been scared. It had seemed like she'd have all the time in the world to summon up her courage, but that time had been slipping away without her knowledge. Now it was almost too late.

"What about your dream, though? She's your dream." The fact that Honoka was in love with Kotori didn't surprise Umi. She had a firsthand look at the way they acted around each other. They were obviously closer than mere friends. The surprise was that Honoka was scared of something. They'd always joked about Honoka's one true fear being homework, but that'd always been playful banter between the three of them. Umi had never truly believed there would be something that scared Honoka. Not until now.

"I can't be selfish like that, though! This is what she's wanted for so long... How can I stop her from doing what she loves?" It sucked that this had to happen, but it felt selfish to even think like that. After all, it didn't suck for Kotori. Well, it would hurt to be separated from her friends, but this was an opportunity she had been dreaming about. Honoka could fondly remember when they were in middle school and Kotori would have her model the very first designs she had ever made. Umi had always been too embarrassed to do it, but Honoka was more than happy to show off in whatever outfit Kotori created. The passion she put into every stitch... It would be cruel to deny the world of such talent just because she had fallen in love.

"You say that, but you're stopping yourself from having what you love." Umi placed a sympathetic hand on Honoka's shoulder, squeezing it. She knew how hard this must be for Honoka. Hell, it was hard for her too. Both Honoka and Kotori were her best friends, and it hurt to imagine one of them not being there. In her own mind, she was having the same debates that Honoka was having. She knew that she could only offer advice, though. Honoka was the one who could make Kotori stay... or let her leave. "Sometimes you have to be a little bit selfish to get your own happiness."

"Ehehe, I've never heard you say that I should be selfish." They both laughed at that. It was true, though. Umi was the one who was a stickler for the rules. Honoka was the free spirit who just followed wherever her heart took her. For the first time, though, she was resisting the path her heart wanted her to take. This was going to affect someone she cared deeply for. It wasn't something she could just dive into headfirst like she usually did. For once, she found herself holding back, walking the cautious route. "I don't want her to regret missing this opportunity, though. What if she hates me for depriving her of it?"

"Kotori would never hate you, Honoka." There was no doubt in her mind that this was true. Of all the things one could attribute to Kotori, hate was not one of them. The girl didn't have a spiteful bone in her body. Thinking that she could hate her best friend was preposterous. "She would want you to tell her the truth. It will mean more coming from you."

"I know..." After that, they lapsed into a tense silence, both weighed down by the thought of losing their friend. Eventually, Honoka stood up, mumbling that she needed to get home before it got dark. That was how serious it was: Honoka was actually caring about a curfew.

"Are you going to tell her?"

"I'll... think about it." Then Honoka left, and Umi didn't try to stop her. She laid down on her bed and stared up at the ceiling, sighing quietly. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

That night, Honoka had a hard time sleeping. With the covers pulled up to her chin, she stared up at the ceiling and thought about Kotori. This wasn't a new sensation, as she thought about her crush lots of times. This was different, though. Kotori was making a decision that could potentially uproot her from the only place she'd ever lived, and Honoka had to decide whether or not she was going to try and stop her.

Umi was right: she was the only person who could dissuade her, if she so chose. Was it the right decision, though? She didn't want Kotori to leave, because she didn't want to imagine graduating without her. Having their seniors graduating was bad enough, but losing Kotori as well? It'd make things even worse. She so badly wanted to run over to Kotori's house and beg her to stay.

On the other hand, she knew that wasn't fair. This was Kotori's dream, after all. To take that away from her just because she feared losing her childhood friend... How selfish could one get? These competing emotions battled it out for dominance inside her head, but neither of them could gain an edge on the other. It just left her tense and frustrated.

"Augh!" Why did this have to be so difficult? In frustration, she grabbed her pillow and pressed it against her face, groaning loudly into it. She didn't know what to do. If only she could follow her heart, but now it was telling her two conflicting things. It would've been so much easier if she wasn't crushing on Kotori, but she was. There was no way around that now. What was the best course of action?

Eventually her frustration tired her out, and she laid the pillow back down so she could go to sleep. It didn't come easy, but eventually she drifted off into an uneasy sleep. Dreams of birds flying away and herself falling from a great height plagued her night, and when she woke up she was tired and still undecided. She didn't even want to get up, but she needed to. Kotori deserved to hear from her before it was too late.

The question was: what was she going to say?

* * *

In the afternoon, Honoka trudged over towards Kotori's house. She hadn't told anyone she was going, not even Kotori. Maybe if she wasn't home, than Honoka wouldn't have to truly make a decision. That was a coward's way out, though. She needed to let Kotori know.

Still, she hesitated when she reached the door, not wanting to ring the doorbell. She wished that someone was there to give her a pep talk, like Umi or Rin. This was something she had to do alone, though. Sighing, she made herself press the doorbell, waiting with an increasing tangle of nerves inside her.

It was Mrs. Minami who answered the door, a knowing smile on her face when she saw Honoka there. "Ah, Honoka. Kotori's in her room." With a nod of thanks, Honoka came in and took off her shoes, worry lacing every step as she got to Kotori's room. She knocked on the door, standing out there until she heard 'Come in!'

When she came in, Kotori was surprised. She had thought it would be her mother. "Honoka? What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you about your fashion school."

"Oh." She had a feeling that was what it was going to be about. A pit of dread formed in Kotori's stomach as she sat down on her bed, and Honoka joined her. "Wh-What about it?" Truth be told, she still hadn't decided what to do. This was a dream come true, but she really didn't want to leave her friends behind.

"Well, I've been thinking about it, and..." Honoka wrung her hands nervously, unable to look at Kotori. "I think this is a great opportunity for you." Kotori's eyes widened, having not expected to hear that. It was true, but she had felt like Honoka was going to ask her to stay. "You've loved fashion for so long, and I want you to pursue your dreams."

"Honoka..."

"Think about how great it'll be to go to school where there's fashion all over the place!" It was tough for her to look at Kotori, since she was sure it would make her cry. She had to, though, so she looked up and tried to smile. When she saw Kotori staring back at her, the tears immediately began prickling at her eyes. "It'll help you get into the fashion world, like you've always wanted!"

"I know, but..." It was all true, but the thought of leaving Honoka and Umi behind made her feel like it wasn't the right decision. She'd been going back and forth about what to do ever since she got the letter, but secretly she'd been waiting for Honoka to talk to her. It felt like Honoka was the right person to help her decide what to do. She was just surprised that there wasn't a single plea for her to stay there.

"And you're gonna come back, right?" It was the only shred of hope that Honoka could hold onto, now that she had made her decision. "Once you're done with your fashion training, you'll come back to us, and you can show us everything you learned! Right?" There was a hint of desperation in her eyes, a needy hope that she could tell Kotori to go pursue her dreams, but that she'd come back to them.

"O-Of course, Honoka. I'd never leave forever." That was true enough. No matter what, she'd come back. It just seemed too long to go without her friends. This was quite the opportunity though, and if her best friend was so supportive, how could she turn it down? "I'll always come back to see you, and Umi too."

Honoka smiled brightly, wiping away the tears from the corner of her eyes. It still hurt: it really did. She didn't want Kotori to be gone for an entire year, but she knew this was the right thing to do. This was Kotori's future, and it was more important than a silly crush. Their friendship would still last: she'd make sure of it. This was what was best.

They shared a hug, and then Honoka stayed to help Kotori pack. For awhile, they could ignore the inevitable and talk about anything but the impeding school year. They could talk about their soon to be former idol days, and the new summer blockbusters that were coming out. It was a very needed distraction, but when Honoka finally had to go, the weight of what had happened crashed down on her. She knew it was the right thing to do, but she couldn't help but feel crushed by the thought of Kotori leaving for a whole year... of Kotori finding someone new.

She allowed herself to cry the entire way home.

* * *

"So, you let her go." Honoka and Umi were standing by the airport window, watching Kotori's plane take off. Watching it become smaller and smaller as it flew away tore Honoka's heart into tiny pieces, and she swallowed thickly as she nodded. It was the right thing to do. That was what she had been telling herself all week, but it didn't make it any easier.

"Yeah. It was... It was for the best." She didn't want to start crying in the airport, but the tears were already starting to form in her eyes. Then she found herself being pulled into an embrace, and Umi was holding her tightly. She rested her head on Umi's shoulder and let the tears fall. "I didn't want it to hurt like this..."

"Neither of us did." Umi was crying as well, though she was holding it together better than Honoka was. She was going to miss Kotori too, and she wished there was someone to hold her. That wasn't important now, though. What was important was her being there and being strong for Honoka.

"At least she'll come back... She won't be gone forever." That was the new future that she clung to. Without assurances that Kotori would return, she might've truly gone insane. At least Umi was still there. Hopefully she wasn't going to a new school either. "Don't leave me either, Umi... Please don't leave me..."

"I won't, Honoka. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." They still had each other, at least. While Kotori was pursuing her dream, they'd be back home waiting for her. They were in this together. After all, what were friends for? So the two of them stayed in that embrace, until they had run out of tears. Then they left the airport, heading home to wait for word that Kotori had landed safely.


End file.
